Acceptance Letter

            If you don’t already know who I am, that’s a first. I myself know plenty about firsts, being the first man to not only walk on the moon, but swim. Multitasking is second nature for me, I can read, write, and talk simultaneously, while riding a unicycle. I farm potatoes in Antarctica. I’ve even read the entire harry potter series.

            I once climbed Mount Everest in 20 minutes, 19 of which were spent building a snowman at the bottom. Singing is a hobby of mine, in sign language. Growing red lemons is a hobby of mine, and when life gives me lemons; I make apple juice. My slinkies only move up stairs.  I have my own gravitational field, and the earth orbits around me. Monsters parents check under the bed for me. I enjoy lawn bowling on Sunday afternoons.

            I can solve two rubric cubes at the same time, with one hand. Burning my cd’s? Never!   I freeze them. I always stop the microwave before it gets to zero. Cross country skiing down a mountain is a common activity. I don’t wear hardhats on construction sites, even though it’s an extreme safety hazard. Although I’m a world champion chess player, I have yet to attend a college.

Why Didn't I Prepare

            Dead silence; all I hear is the buzzing of the multiple fans on the ceiling, yet it’s still so hot in here. I begin to regret every time I hit snooze to skip class, I knew today would come eventually but I never thought so soon. On my way to my seat I pass by a few girls, so frantically they yell “I didn’t study enough; I need an ‘A’ on this exam.”

They didn’t know the half of it! My teacher, whom I’ve never really met before, makes the exam worth 50% of the class’ final mark. Butterflies in my stomach, not only a cliché but an extreme understatement, I have multiple hummingbirds in my stomach, fluttering their wings at a constant pace. This desk feels so smooth, welcoming me to my seat, although I’m well aware of the mental beating that’s about to take place here. It’s as though not attending class was my crime, and this exam, was my sentence. The seemingly increased gravity in this seat is forcing me to do one thing; look right at the crisp ink on the page that forms questions of no sense to me. I must listen to the intense sounds of nothing at all; at the same time my throat has dried so much so that it’s difficult to swallow. There truly is an extravagant premium for my lack of presence in this class.